Zipper Chipper

Dear Chipper Jones,

You're our Reggie Miller. You dominate us and you enjoy it. Here are your career numbers against our team.

BA- .330
HR- 39
RBI- 121
Hits- 219
Games- 184
(Batting Average is 3rd-best all-time against the Mets, behind Tony Gwynn and Matty Alou)

When you play against us, the Braves are 107-77. When you hit a home run against us, the Braves are 26-8. That's ridiculous. We're supposed to hate you.

But you're making it harder.

First, you're the subject of a really nice profile in Sports Illustrated. Then, at the All-Star Game, you start tossing bouquets to the likes of Jay Horwitz in the hopes that he'll give you something from Shea Stadium before its torn down. You note that you'll be legitimately sad to see Shea Stadium go. Really. And you go and say stupid things like this

"I'm a huge David Wright fan. I mean, he's the next big thing, if he's not already there - a guy who can hit for power, average. He's got a 'Web Gem' on ESPN almost nightly. More importantly, he's a good kid. He's not letting the stage that he plays on get the best of him. He keeps everything at arm's length. It seems like he's got a really good head on his shoulders. That's probably what I admire most."

Chipper, I don't know what has gotten into you. You almost seem human and worthy of respect. On behalf of Mets fans everywhere, I ask that you please shut up and stop behaving in this manner. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,
MetsWalkoffs

PS: True Metppers know...None of your 11 career walk-off RBI have come against us, but we still hate you.